That's when you crack a 10am beer
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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