Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
