Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
