My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
