Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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