I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
too bad you live with your parents still
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
