I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
