I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
