i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
