A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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