my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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