just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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