she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
