I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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