So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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