the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
