Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
