literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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