I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
