That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
