that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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