drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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