So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
