I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
