If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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