there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
