I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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