I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
