i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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