but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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