I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
