Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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