I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
