just survived the first fart of the relationship.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
