o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
