My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
