That's when you crack a 10am beer
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize