im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm at about main and main street
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
that may or may not have been my penis.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
