He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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