Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
