so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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