today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
