i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
