yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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