I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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