And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
