Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
