quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
