I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
