did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
my poor anus
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
