I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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