You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
