Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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