normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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