no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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