i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
