Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
