i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
