I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
