if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i've created a new STD.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
