I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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