I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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