I think my vagina is haunted
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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