I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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