oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
