can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I smell like Dick and happiness
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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