i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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