dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
